Nos morituri te salutamus! (We who are about to die salute you!)
– said by gladiators right before they fought to the death
Some movies are good. The best of them become legends, cult favorites or classics, and they have enough fans that people still talk about them decades later: “The Godfather,” “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” “The Princess Bride,” “Casablanca.”
Some movies are terrible. The worst of these also become legends, cult favorites or classics, and if you don’t think this is true, you should probably look up “The Room,” “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” or “Reefer Madness.”
They’re fun to watch not in spite of their badness, but because of it; their characters are paper thin and so are their sets, the plots jump around like a toddler on espresso and so do a lot of the actors, and the closest the script has ever been to a script doctor was when one of the actors spilled Dr Pepper on it, which is especially bad because this script is definitely afflicted by the movie equivalent of smallpox, the Black Death and Ebola all at once.
A real script doctor would take one look at this and come back to the barn with a shotgun to put the poor thing out of its misery.
These movies can be fun if you make fun of them while you watch, but plenty of people enjoy them unironically, too.
The problem is, once you’ve seen the few legendary bad movies out there, you start wondering if there’s more like them out there. And the problem with that is, you might actually start looking for them. And the problem with that is, you might actually find them.
This blog is dedicated to watching bad movies and pulling them apart, piece by piece, to see where they went wrong. And because most bad movies still have something good, fun, or just different about them, we’ll do that, too. You might like this blog if you like sarcasm and making fun of less-than-perfect movies. If you think those things are mean, you won’t like this blog, and that’s okay! There are plenty of online places you might like better, and plenty of nicer people, too.
Spoilers will be included for every movie we feature, at length and undisguised, because you probably shouldn’t watch these movies. Some of these movies should come with a sick bag because of their cinematography choices. Some of them should come with a free coupon to a psychiatrist’s office. We don’t want you to watch these movies. Save yourselves.
You were warned.
It’s probably not that bad!
– said by anyone right before watching a really bad movie